At 21:32:14 on 17.04.10, codfish_ wrote:
Just over a year ago I fell off a pony, breaking my shoulder in two places on the road. At the time I badly lost my nerve, shaking like a leaf before I came to get on any horse, let alone anything challenging. The pony I fell off really tested my riding and responded to nerves, so I used to occasionally use Bach's Rescue Remedy to settle myself before riding so he could be as relaxed as possible. Now, however, I've started to lose confidence again, having never properly regained it, and when I tried to use my faithful rescue remedy, it only served to remind me of being about to get on what felt like a bomb ready to explode, so using it became obselete. I now have major difficulties jumping, and my instructor doesn't help, for example, having been to a competition and backing out of the big classes because I was panicking jumping the tiny fences, she said that it was a waste of her time and energy to come with me if I couldn't even get over the fences. It's becoming a vicious circle really, me thinking I am useless and may as well stop riding all together, and other people saying that if I don't get my act together I may as well not bother. To be honest, I just wish I could ride like I could before that fall, when I was at my best, and not like a nervous wreck any more! Any suggestions?

At 23:10:11 on 21.04.10, Em28 wrote:
Wow your instructor sounds awful. I would suggest you get yourself a new one! Sounds like you have got yourself worked up and what you need in this situation is positive encouragement, not someone belittleing you and reinforcing you negative thoughts. There is some really good advice on overcoming jumping fears in this group. For example starting off over ground poles, building confidence up gradually. As well as breathing techniques and positive attitude to all increase your confidence. I would also suggest how important is it for you to go to shows and do jumping classes right now? Maybe you should concentrate on activities you really enjoy, don't put yourself in uncomfortable situations that will make you have negative thoughts about riding as a whole. Keep it fun! It is completely natural for you to be worried about riding after a nasty fall and it sounds like you have come such a long way in a very short amount of time. Goodluck

At 13:35:18 on 26.04.10, CarolineP wrote:
What a nice reply from Em28! I think she's right: a question needs to be asked about whether your current instructor is the right person for you, at least at the moment. Not every instructor is able to empathise with their client, but IMO it is the mark of a good instructor to be able to adapt their teaching methods and attitudes to different clients' needs. It seems that your current instructor's inability to do this is undermining you and making things more difficult instead of easier. Your fall was a powerful learning experience for you and it is perfectly understandable that your subconscious mind, which is about keeping you safe, is sending you messages designed to keep you from doing something potentially dangerous. That's why you have that horrible feeling of wanting to, but not wanting to. Take some of the pressure off yourself. As Em28 says, go back a few steps. Your "foundations" have been shaken, so you need to make them strong again before building an ambitious structure on top! Do things that you can enjoy with your horse for now and remember that it's your horse, your life and your choices. You have every right to do what's right for you and your horse and other people's opinion is, frankly, irrelevant. As you may be aware, there are 38 Bach Flower Remedies, and Rescue Remedy is a mix of five of them. Rescue Remedy is great for acute traumatic situations that need "rescuing" but it's not always the best mix for more chronic problems. You would definitely benefit from Star of Bethlehem, which removes the bad effects of shock, plus one of the fear remedies. You may also need remedies to help with other negative feelings brought up by other people's reactions to your problems. Exactly which remedies would be best for you would depend on your emotional symptoms because, as I'm sure you know, the remedies are prescribed on an individual basis for emotional imbalance. If you read through the posts in this forum, you'll find lots of effective confidence building techniques that I've passed on to others, and of course other riders have good advice too. I think it's important for you to recognise that what you want is what matters and what others think is - well, just what they think and only important if you allow it to be. You can recover confidence if you want to. The Success Stories page on my website is a great motivator and will give you lots of encouragement - however you decide to build your confidence. You can do it; just give yourself time to develop new ways of handling stressful situations. The only pressure on you to do things that make you feel bad ultimately comes from you. Think what's best for you and your horse and do things a step at a time. Keep smiling - you can do it! Kind regards, Caroline
http://www.enjoyriding.com

At 21:26:55 on 26.04.10, codfish_ wrote:
Thank you very much, both Caroline and Em28! I do have a new instructor now, acting on advice, and even though the old one still gives occasional lessons to me, I mainly have a much kinder woman who laughs with me when I make mistakes! A couple of people now have recommended the Star of Bethlehem to me, so I will definitely be giving that a try very soon! What you have both said is extrememly helpful and accurate, and in my last lesson I began again with poles and practising jumping position in walk, trot and canter, and so far it's going well :) I think if I continue building up slowly I should get there sooner thna I think! Thank-you again, and I'll try to keep you posted on improvements!

At 13:51:49 on 28.04.10, Flicka wrote:
Yes please let us know how you get on. I think you've been given some very good advice. Glad you've got a new instructor who makes it fun-smiling and laughing about things make us relax. Who we surround ourselves with is really important to our confidence. Congratulations for having the courage to go back to basics and build up slowly. Any top rider whose horse has had a fright jumping will come back home and slowly build the horses confidence up again-so why don't we do that for ourselves!! You also might end up becoming a better rider because of it. :D

At 19:32:12 on 28.04.10, Filla wrote:
Where do you get these bach flower remedies from? I really want to try some but I don't know where to get them. I live in Cambridgeshire

At 21:55:17 on 28.04.10, Rahara wrote:
I also think you've been given some really good advice, after a long break from competition's and jumping,I decided to take lesson's again to be honest I was really scared, as I'm not as young or fit as I used to be, anyway slowly it's all coming together thanks to my instructor, he's built my confidence up and I trust him, anyone can teach, I think it's the fact that I feel he believes I can do it that makes me believe in myself...keep going thing's will work out..

At 07:40:26 on 29.04.10, Flicka wrote:
Filla-usually good Health shops stock Bach flower remedies. Or you could contact Caroline P(click the link underneath her post above or click on her name to get to her page and send her a note) as she made up a concoction of them just for me.

At 12:45:54 on 07.05.10, CarolineP wrote:
Hi Filla, as Flicka says, you can get some of the Bach Flower Remedies from health food shops. There are 38 remedies and shops only stock the more "popular" ones (not very helpful really!). The remedies are prescribed on the patient's emotional state and so different ones are needed for different people. They really do work, though, and are good for animals too. Caroline :)
http://www.enjoyriding.com

At 19:52:45 on 07.05.10, JessAndGrenville123 wrote:
Firstly get an instructor that praises you all the time, my instructor is very tough and makes you work so hard but as soon as i do as she asks she quick to shout good girl, well done keep going. I think that really helps with your confidence, also don't push yourself too hard just trot or canter over poles on the floor, don't worry about height. You could also lunge your horse from the ground on the floor so you see how much he wantsa to jump for you this sounds stupid but it really does help. Also don't think about the past, everyone falls it is part of riding that you have to embrace if you want to ride, no one who rides avoids it and im not trying to make you scared but it is true if you are going to be scared of falling and your going to get more scared each time you are going to loose the enjoyment all together. I fall off at least once a year and about 50% of the time i get hurt but i know it is just a part of horses, they will always be unpredictable no matter how bombproof etc they are, you just need to relax about it, once you accept you will fall occasionally everything else seems to fall into place...