At 23:21:15 on 26.01.10, Em28 wrote:
I wondered how important the right equine partner is to our confidence levels. I have a friend of a friend who has recently had a nasty fall from her horse. This fall has been anticipated by her family for months and reinforced everyone's opinion that she is not suited to her horse. The problem being is that they have been partners for a while and she really loves her horse and does not want to give up on him. Although, she is now scared to get back on and all those around her don't want her to either. It got me thinking that just like people, some combinations don't work and what happens if we find ourselves in this situation? Could the wrong partner knock our confidence so bad that we are actually scared to ride and develop an irrational fear of riding that is out of character?

At 21:01:11 on 28.01.10, NMH wrote:
I think this is really insightful; it's different if you are Mark Todd but most of us are pleasure riders & not pro's. I had my confidence really damaged & wish I'd acknowledged earlier that horse just wasn't right for me. Life's too short to waste time on the wrong partnership,especially if it leaves lasting damage physically or psychologically like to your friend, but you are so right it's hard to give up - you feel you are a failure, many of us have a horse "for life" & pride ourselves on that, what do you do with a horse you don't get on with, etc etc

At 22:38:09 on 29.01.10, Em28 wrote:
Wise words NMH. Yes it has created a lot of stress with everyone that knows the person as they care for her health above all else and are so worried. Now more so with the reinforcement that she has got hurt. It is a tough one hopefully it will all work out ok.

At 16:37:17 on 31.01.10, Sue862 wrote:
Em I do believe that sometimes it is not the right match,and the wrong horse can shake your confidence to the point to where you are hesitant to ride,and it is so hard as we become so emotionally attached to these sensitive creatures. I am curious to know hat level of riding would you consider your friend, and what type of equine support system does she have? The answers to those questions can make a difference in making the right decision for the welfare of both horse and rider.

At 14:21:45 on 02.02.10, CarolineP wrote:
I think Sue862 makes a good point here. The human is not the only element of the partnership that suffers if the relationship is wrong. The horse is uncomfortable, mistrusted, feared, and that can't be good. I often see riders who have the wrong sort of horse for them in terms of size, type, age, experience etc. It may be that the horse and rider partnership is never going to work, but I always find that when the rider changes, the horse changes too. IMO it's too early to say until the rider has control of themselves and their thoughts and feelings. If, having gained those resources, they still don't gel, then that's the time to say enough is enough - both for the rider and the horse. I had to make a very painful decision to sell a much-loved horse after it became clear that he was no longer happy hacking out on his own. Like many people who keep horses at home, I have to ride out on my own most of the time. I just knew that neither of us was enjoying it and made the decision to sell him to someone who had plenty of company for him. It hurt, but it was the right decision for both of us. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet! Caroline
http://www.enjoyriding.com

At 11:25:02 on 03.02.10, Flicka wrote:
I do agree that sometimes you are best to sell a horse that you don't get on with but then other times the horse is there to teach you something. At the end of the day it is down to you. I have seen people who have become really scared of their horses but people around them keep saying "oh but s/he's lovely, just needs a bit of this or that but that only works if you are willing to change yourself or as Caroline says, what you want to do with your horse. I see a lot of horses in livery standing around bored in their stables because the rider is to nervous to ride them out and it's sad for both horse and rider. Millie, who I bought off someone who admitted she was too nervous to ride her actually has really knocked me as well although I still rider her every day but put the competing on hold. And it has been a long journey for us, and a couple of times I have tried to stop riding her, but something has always happened to make me have to ride her again which is a bit spooky LOL! I had developed a very negative attitude to Millie and she was picking that up. She couldn't do anything right, I couldn't do anything right and we ended up really mad with each other!! Luckily I decided I would give it one last go and Caroline has helped me change my attitude to Millie and my riding and things are going really well. Happy, relaxed horse, happy relaxed rider and that' what it's all about at the end of the day. But I had to change before the horse could.

At 21:15:14 on 03.02.10, NMH wrote:
You said something, Flicka, in another post, that made me think: the horse that lost me my confidence I had assumed would do what his predecessors had, a mix of competing (XC,SJ,ODE,dressage) & hunting & hacking. He didn't actually like any of these,& played up, but take him hacking on exmoor, or LDR, & he'd be happy & steady as you liked. I should maybe have been happy with what HE wanted to do, horses for courses, not tried to make him into what MY ambitions required. Just a thought.

At 22:12:53 on 03.02.10, sophieandcallum wrote:
I agree no point wasting time with a horse who is not for you, that horse could do great things with someone who clicks with them. It is a waste both for you and the horse. I think you know if you are going to click with a horse, well I certainly knew as soon as I saw my boys face....he was coming home with me! Saw plenty other horses and didn't get that impression from any, it just takes time and patience. I don't agree with buying a horse just for it's potential, you have to have a special spark there to make a great partnership to do well in something you both enjoy. I was very touched by Callums previous owners words "I'm so glad you bought him, the bond everyone can see between you two is really special" He was a 'horrible' pony aparently when he was with them, completely different pony now! I think your friend should find her horse a special home with someone who he suits and find herself 'the' horse:) they aren't always where you think they'll be either:)

At 09:05:02 on 04.02.10, Flicka wrote:
NMH, I really agree. When I got Farlow, who we bought from a dealer as a problem, because of the way he was put together and knowing he had not only been hunted by his owner in Leicestershire but had been training to event I thought I had my potential eventer. Ha ha, how wrong I was. He would make the biggest fool of me at show jumping competitions, refusing to go over one foot jumps, rearing, making a big show and he wouldn't cross country on his own or in front of another horse. I even had a really experienced and confident jockey on him and they didn't fair any better than me. So, I decided to just accept what he was happy doing, which was hunting, and he has been fantastic for that. That's why coming on troton I have been interested in finding out about all the different equine sports you can get involved in because there may just be one that flicks your horses switch if he doesn't have the same ambitions as you!! In Farlows case I just knew we could never sell him as he is big and quirky and would have definitely been misunderstood and abused. However I also agree with Sophieandcallum-because of Farlows looks and his personality a lot of people make a bee line for him but in novice hands he would have been downright dangerous. Looks and 'potential' can definitely be deceiving!! Whereas the plainest looking horse can be a superstar!

At 09:45:44 on 04.02.10, sophieandcallum wrote:
Agree with you flicka, Finding out what makes them tick can be half the battle! My boy could do well in showing, but he hates it and he could do very well in dressage because of his huge paces make extension and collection easier to get, but again he turns off and turns into devil pony. Hacking, jumping, cross country, le trec and endurance and I have a superstar pony who will do everything I ask (with the odd time he has other ideas...) Callum was labelled a horrible, nasty, dangerous pony simply because he didn't want to go round in circles and prance about so he would let his previous owners know in the only way he could....usually throwing them off:/ I have now though done a few dressage tests and showing with him and within reason he does well, but if I was doing it every weekend I have no doubt in my mind I would have the devil pony back:)